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Post by Ummati on Sept 28, 2011 17:14:38 GMT 5
A little something for the Married Couple FOR THE WOMAN:Your husband’s Love Tank ran dry, the engine broke down, and now your marriage is stuck in a ditch by the side of the road? No need to worry! Just sit back and have a nice cup of TEA while you call up Triple A to pull your marriage out of the rut. TEA Triple A – roadside assistance for understanding the 6 primary love needs of men.T – Trust E – Encouragement A – Admiration
A – Approval A – Appreciation A – AcceptanceTrust – When the wife’s attitude is open and receptive toward her husband, he feels *trusted*. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his wife. This positive belief should be reflected by the wife’s interactions with her husband. Example: The husband is trying to fix the kitchen sink. As he struggles with the wrench, the wife looks on and says, “Maybe you should call a plumber…” The husband feels crushed because he thinks she doesn’t trust him to do what’s best for them. Instead, the wife should refrain from giving unsolicited advice (except Islamic advice, of course). Encouragement – When the wife expresses confidence in her husband’s abilities and character, it fills him with hope and courage and he feels *encouraged*. Example: When the Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) received the first revelation from Allah, he was terrified and sought comfort with his wife Khadija. He said, “I fear that something may happen to me.” Khadija replied, “Never! But have the glad tidings, for by Allah, Allah will never disgrace you as you keep good relations with your kith and kin, speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guest generously and assist the deserving, calamity-afflicted ones.” (Bukhari) Admiration –[/color] When the wife views the husband with wonder, delight, and pleased approval, the husband feels *admired*. Telling him what to do as if he were a child does not make him feel admired. Admiration is when the wife is happily amazed by his unique characteristics or talents like humor, strength, persistence, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding, etc. Example: Once the prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) was sitting in a room with Aisha and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight was staring at him long enough for him to notice. He said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.” The Prophet (sallaAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) asked, “What did he say?” She replied, “Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see.” So the Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, “Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more.” Approval – When the wife acknowledges the goodness in her husband and expresses overall satisfaction with him, the husband receives the *approval* he needs. An approving attitude looks for the good reasons behind what the husband does (even if she doesn’t agree with the act itself). Every man wants to be his wife’s hero. The sign that he’s achieved that is his wife’s approval. Example: If the wife expresses her upset feelings indirectly with rhetorical questions like, “How could you do that?” he feels she has taken away her approval of him. He no longer feels like the good guy. Appreciation – When the wife acknowledges having received personal benefit and value from her husband’s efforts and behaviour, he feels *appreciated*. When a man is appreciated, he knows his effort is not wasted and is thus encouraged to give more. Example: Acknowledge what your husband has done for you instead of just complaining about what he has not done. If he doesn’t hear your appreciation, he won’t continue his efforts. Acceptance – When the wife lovingly receives her husband without trying to change him, he feels *accepted*. This accepting attitude does not mean that she believes he is perfect, but it indicates that she is not trying to improve him and that she trusts him to make his own improvements. Example: Don’t nag him about his bad habits or try to control his behaviour by sharing upset or negative feelings. Sharing feelings is ok, but not when used to punish or manipulate. Ok, time to memorize it: TEA Triple A T – Trust E – Encouragement A – Admiration A – Approval A – Appreciation A – Acceptance FOR THE MAN:So you think sending your wife to the plastic surgeon will put that spark back into the relationship? Not likely. Actually, you’re the one who needs to go to the Curv Dr. The Curv Dr. will teach you the 6 primary love needs of women. If you fulfil these needs, the bonds of love will only strengthen. C – Caring U – Understanding R – Respect V – Validation
D – Devotion R – ReassuranceCaring – when a husband shows interest in his wife’s feelings and heartfelt concern for her well-being, she feels *cared for*. Example: Anas ibn Malik narrates, “I saw the Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), making for her (Safiya) a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him (on his camel). He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiya to put her foot on, in order to ride (on the camel).” Understanding – When the husband listens without judgement but with empathy and relatedness to his wife expressing her feelings, she feels heard and *understood*. Don’t presume to already know your wife’s thoughts or feelings when she is trying to communicate them to you. Instead, gather meaning from what is being said. Example: If your wife is talking about the frustrations of the day how unbearably long the line was at the supermarket, just listen to her and when she’s finished, say, “Wow, that must have really tried your patience!” Show her that you understand her feelings and can relate to her experience. Don’t say, “Ummm… You should have just used the self-checkout.” Instead, just listen and show you understand without offering solutions. Later on, when she’s not venting, you can suggest that she try the self checkout. Respect – When the husband responds to his wife in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes, and needs, she feels *respected*. Physical expressions of respect like flowers, gifts, keeping her likes/dislikes in mind, and showing your appreciation are essential. Example: Make an effort to look good for her. Give her gifts – they don’t have to be big or expensive. Always show her appreciation for even the little things she does. Validation – When the husband does not object to or argue with a woman’s feelings and wants, but instead accepts and confirms their *validity*, she feels loved. Confirm her right to feel the way she does. (You can confirm her point of view even if you have a different point of view). Example: Once during a journey, Safiyyah (radi Allahu ‘anha) was crying because she had been made to ride a slow camel. The Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) didn’t tell her she was being unreasonable. Instead, he wiped her tears, comforted her, and even tried to find her another camel. Devotion – When the husband gives priority to the wife’s needs and commits himself to supporting and fulfilling her, she feels adored and special. When she is more important to him than work, television, etc., then she feels his *devotion*. Example: Look at her when she talks to you. Don’t be afraid to show your devotion. The Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) openly stated his love for his wives. Reassurance – To repeatedly do all of the above *reassures* the wife that she is continually loved. The husband must reassure his wife of his love again and again. Example: Give her a hug and say “I love you” 4 times a day at least. Ok, guys, time to memorize it: CURV DR. C – Caring U – Understanding R – Respect V – Validation D – Devotion R – Reassurance
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Post by Ummati on Sept 28, 2011 17:25:04 GMT 5
Mutual Expression of Love Between Spouses
For the Husbands:Question:I have been married for five years now. I experienced very hard psychological and financial problems, which, thanks to Allah, eventually came to an end. I love my wife so much and she loves me, but she always accuses me of not expressing my love to her, and of being practical more than necessary while she is so romantic. She has been repeating such words so many times that I have grown to hate myself recently, though I do my best to ensure happiness for her and for my home. What shall I do?[/b] AnswerIn the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. Thanks for your question, and we beseech Allah to inculcate love and affection among all married men and women. As a Muslim husband, you should know that women tend to be more romantic than men. They like to hear tender words, to be praised, to feel that they are being cared for, to be the main concern of their husbands and the one to whom he directs his ardent love. You love your wife and your heart is full of love for her, but she does not hear anything of it. You begrudge the tender words she needs and the praise she deserves. She deserves that you listen to her, praise her, and sympathize with her when she is troubled. She really needs this. She cannot ask anyone else for such things; she is a good believer and a sincere wife who can never ask another man for such emotions. Do you like her to be miserable? Do you accept that she suffers thirst although water is near but you keep it from her? You should know that her need for compliments and tender words is as real as her need for sustenance, clothing, and other things that you believe to be the source of happiness. Real happiness needs psychological nourishment and material things are not enough to fulfill this kind of nourishment. So, express your love toward your wife, and give her the right she deserves-to be complimented, treated gently, played with. Let her see your love, and show her your great need for her. Men often find it difficult to open up and express their feelings, but this is what she is seeking. Talk to her, even about small things that happen at work, and also show an interest in what she does. You should do so in order to let her express her feelings and not to make her lose hope in you and, consequently, lose interest in you. Of course, we do not mean that she would be interested in another person. Once, the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) was sitting with one of his Companions when another man passed by them. The man who was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “I love this man (for Allah’s sake).” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Have you told him?” The man replied in the negative. So the Prophet said, “Go and tell him.” Thereupon, the man stood up and said to the other man, “I love you for Allah’s sake.” The other replied, “May Allah, for Whose sake you love me, love you.” (Reported by Ahmad)Thus, I would like to ask you who is more worthy of such feelings than the man with his wife and the woman with her husband? The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to do so with his wives; he used to express his love toward them by word and deed. As for words, it is reported that `Amr ibn Al-`Aas (may Allah be pleased with him) asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) saying, “O Allah’s Messenger, whom do you love most, after Allah Almighty?” He (peace and blessings be upon him) replied, “`A’ishah.” `Amr ibn Al-`Aas then said, “And from among the men?” The Prophet answered, “Her father (Abu Bakr).” This hadith shows how great was the Prophet’s love for `A’ishah, and this love was well-known among his Companions.`A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said, “It would happen that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) would take a utensil containing food, give it to me while I was having my menstrual period, and adjure me to eat from it. Then he would take the vessel being keen to put his mouth on the same place I put my mouth on.” Of course, the Prophet did this as a kind of compliment and to let his wife feel his affection. `A’ishah also swore that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to do the same when drinking water. She would drink then he would take the utensil and drink from it, putting his mouth where she had put hers.By doing such things, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) intended to guide his nation as to how the relation between the spouses should be, how affection and mercy can last between them, and how the husband can talk gently and play with his wife. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Be lenient toward glass vessels (that is, women)!” In this hadith, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) called women “glass vessels,” for they need care either in treatment or even in speech. Allah’s Messenger further said, “Treat women kindly.” In addition, Allah Almighty says, “… and speak kindly to mankind …” (Al-Baqarah: 83)It goes without saying that our wives are more deserving to be treated kindly. They are our helpmates, our children’s mothers, the ones who make our homes comfortable and fulfill our love desires. In addition, a good word is an act of charity. The devil, indeed, sows discord among mankind. So if you, dear brother, want to preserve your happiness and insure that your wife is doing her duties toward you with content, you should know that the most beloved deed to Allah after the obligatory acts of worship is bringing happiness to a Muslim’s heart. So what do you think of your most intimate companion, your permanent neighbor, your other half, your wife that you have chosen from among all other women? It does not take much effort on your part to learn to say “I love you” every day, to take her a small gift now and then, to phone her from work just to say “I love you,” to take her out alone now and then even if only for a walk, or in other ways to show your affection. Such small steps can go a long way to making her happy and strengthening your marriage.
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Post by Ummati on Sept 28, 2011 17:27:52 GMT 5
"What Do Housewives Do All Day?”
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?” She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you came home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?” “Yes,” was his incredulous reply.
She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”
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Post by abdallah on Sept 28, 2011 17:44:16 GMT 5
Intimate Relations: What is Allowed & What is notQuestion
Dear scholar, I need to have a detailed fatwa concerning Islam’s guidance on sexual relations, i.e. what is prohibited and what is allowed? I need to know everything because there are many contradicting views in this special aspect of life. Thank you.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear questioner, thank you for your question and the confidence you place in our service and we pray to Allah to enable us to render this service purely for His Sake.
Islam cares for every aspect of a Muslim’s life and gives him clear guidance regarding all things that will affect this life and the next. Imam Muslim reported that some Jews came to Salman Al-Farisi and said to him: “Your Prophet taught you everything even the etiquette of answering the call of nature.” And he said: “Yes, he did.” In the field of sexual relations, Islam provides complete guidelines prohibiting some practices and allowing others. The purpose of this is to secure the greatest level of happiness and purity in this very important part of life.
The prominent Muslim scholar Sheikh Muhammad Saleh Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Muslim scholar and lecturer, gives a clear account of Islam’s guidance in this field:
“Sexual relations are among the important matters of life which Islam came to explain and to prescribe proper conduct and rulings which elevate it from the level of mere bestial pleasure and physical desire. Islam correlates it with a righteous intention, supplications and proper conduct which elevate it to the level of worship for which the Muslim will be rewarded. The Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explains this. Imam Ibn Al-Qayyem (may Allah have mercy on him) wrote in his book, At-Tibb An-Nabawi (Medicine of the Prophet):
Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) brought the most perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and people may find pleasure and fulfillment , and it may fulfill the purpose for which it was created, because sex was created for three basic purposes:
1. The preservation and propagation of the human race, until they reach the number of souls that Allah has decreed should be created in this world.
2. Expulsion of semen which may cause harm to the body if it is retained.
3. Fulfilling physical desires and enjoying sexual pleasure. This alone is the feature that will be present in Paradise, because there will be no bearing of offspring there, and no retention of that which needs to be relieved by ejaculation. The best doctors suggest that sex is one of the means of maintaining good health. Among its benefits is that it helps to lower the gaze, enables self-control, enables one to keep away from prohibited things, and all this is also achieved for the woman. It brings benefit to a man with regard to this world and the Hereafter, and also benefits the woman likewise.
Hence, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to enjoy regular intimate relations with his wives, and he said, “In your world, women and perfume have been made dear to me.” (Narrated by Ahmad and An-Nasa’i).”
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it helps him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity. And whoever cannot do that, let him fast, for it will be a protection for him.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Important Things to Be Considered When Having Intimate Relations:
1. Having the sincere intention of doing this only for the sake of Allah. One should intend to do this to protect oneself and one’s wife from doing forbidden things, and to increase the number of the Muslim ummah so as to raise its status, for there is honor and pride in large numbers. It should be known that one will be rewarded for this action, even when the people involved obtain immediate pleasure and enjoyment.
It was reported from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “When any of you engages in sexual intercourse there is a reward” (meaning, when he has intercourse with his wife). They said, “O Messenger of Allah, when any of us fulfils his desire, will he have a reward for that? He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Do you not see that if he were to do it in a unlawful manner, he would be punished for that? So if he does it in a lawful manner, he will be rewarded.” (Muslim).
2. Intercourse should be preceded by kind words, playfulness and kisses. Almighty Allah says: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how you will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah.” (Al-Baqarah: 223)
Most of the interpreters of the Qu’ran say that the phrase ‘but do some good act for your souls beforehand’ refers to the importance of foreplay in increasing interest and making the matter easier.
3. When a man has intercourse with his wife, he should say: “Bismillah, Allahumma janniba ash-shaytan wa jannib ash-shaytan ma razqtana (In the name of Allah. O Allah! Keep us away from Satan and keep Satan away from what You bestow on us (our children)).”
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “If Allah decrees that they should have a child, Satan will never harm him.” (Al-Bukhari)
4. It is permissible for the husband to have intercourse with his wife in her vagina in whatever manner he wishes, i.e. from behind or from the front, but it is to be noted that it must be in her vagina, which is the place from which the child is born.
Allah says: “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will.” (Al-Baqarah:223)
Jabir ibn `Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Jews used to say that if a man had intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child would have a squint.”
Then this verse was revealed: “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” (Al-Baqarah: 223). The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “From the front or from the back, as long as it is in the vagina.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
5. It is not permissible for the husband, under any circumstances whatsoever, to have intercourse with his wife in her back passage. It is known that the place of ‘tilth’ is the vagina, which is the place from which one hopes a child will be born. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “He is cursed who has intercourse with women in their back passages.”
Anal intercourse goes against the fitrah (natural inclinations of man) and is an action which is revolting to those having a sound human nature; it also causes the woman to miss out on her share of pleasure. The back passage is a place of filth and there are other reasons, which confirm the fact that this deed is forbidden.
6. If a man has intercourse with his wife and wants to repeat the act with her a second time, he should perform ablution, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “If any one of you has intercourse with his wife then wants to repeat it, let him perform ablution between the two (actions), for it is more energizing for the second time.” (Muslim).
This is recommended, but not obligatory. If he is able to have ghusl (complete purifactory bath) between the two acts, this would be better, because of the hadith of Abu Rafi` who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) went around his wives one day and did ghusl in this one’s house and in that one’s house. He (Abu Rafi`) said: I said to him: “O Messenger of Allah, why do you not do one ghusl?” He said, “This is cleaner and better and purer.” (Abu Dawud and An-Nasa’i)
7. It is permissible for a person who has to make ghusl to sleep and delay the ghusl until before the time of prayer, but it is definitely recommended for him to perform ablution before sleeping, because of the hadith of `Umar, who said that he asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), Can any of us sleep when he is junub (in a state of sexual impurity)? The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Yes, but let him perform ablution if he wishes.” (Ibn Hibban).
8. It is forbidden to have intercourse with a woman when she is menstruating (having her period), because Allah says: “They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is a harm, therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in the vagina).
Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.).” (Al-Baqarah: 222).
However, it is permissible for the husband to enjoy his menstruating wife without having intercourse, because of the hadeeth of `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) who said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) would tell one of us, when she was menstruating, to wear a waist-wrapper, then her husband would lie with her.” (Agreed upon)
9. It is permissible for the husband to practice `azl (withdrawing the penis to ejaculate outside the vagina) if he does not want to have a child. By the same token it is permissible for him to use condoms, if his wife gives her permission, because she has the right to pleasure and to have children.
The evidence for this is the hadith of Jabir ibn `Abd-Allah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said, “We used to do `azl at the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him). The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) heard about that, and he did not forbid us.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
It is better not to do that for several reasons, including the fact that it deprives the woman of pleasure or reduces the amount of pleasure for her, and it cancels out one of the purposes of marriage, which is to increase the number of offspring, as mentioned above.
10. It is forbidden for both spouses to spread the secrets of what happens between them in their private marital life. Indeed, this is one of the most evil things. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Among the most evil of people before Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who comes to his wife and has intercourse with her, then he spreads her secrets.” (Muslim)
It was reported from Asma’ bint Yazid that she was with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and men and women were sitting with him, and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Would any man say what he did with his wife? Would any woman tell others what she did with her husband?” The people remained silent and did not answer. I [Asma'] said: “Yes, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah! They (women) do that, and they (men) do that.” He said “Do not do that. It is like a male devil meeting a female devil in the road and having intercourse with her whilst the people are watching.” (Abu Dawud).
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Post by abdallah on Sept 28, 2011 17:47:09 GMT 5
The Ethics of Chivalry
Written by Imam Zaid Shakir
In the literature discussing Futuwwa, which has been translated as Muslim chivalry, there is the story of a young man who was engaged to marry a particularly beautiful woman. Before the wedding day, his fiancée was afflicted with a severe case of chicken pox which left her face terribly disfigured. Her father wrote to him informing him of the situation and asking if he preferred to call off the wedding. The young man replied that he would still marry his daughter, but that he had recently experienced a gradual loss of sight, which he feared would culminate in blindness.
The wedding proceeded as planned and the couple had a loving and happy relationship until the wife died twenty years later. Upon her death the husband regained his eyesight. When asked about his seemingly miraculous recovery he explained that he could see all along. He had feigned blindness all those years because he did not want to offend or sadden his wife.
From our jaded or cynical vantage points it is easy to dismiss such a story as a preposterous fabrication. To do so is to miss an important point that was not lost to those who circulated and were inspired by this and similar tales. Namely, our religion is not an empty compilation of laws and strictures. The law is important and willingly accepting it is one of the keys to our salvation. However, the law is also a means to point us toward a higher ethical end. We are reminded in the Qur’an, “Surely, the prayer wards off indecency and lewdness.” (29:45)
The Prophet Muhammad mentioned concerning the fast, “One who does not abandon false speech and acting on its imperatives, God has no need that he gives up his food and drink.” (Al-Bukhari) These narrations emphasize that there is far more to Islam than a mere adherence to rulings.
This is especially true in our marriages. Too many Muslims are involved in marriages that devolve into an empty observation of duties and an equally vacuous demand for the fulfillment of rights. While such practices are laudable in their proper context, when they are divorced from kindness, consideration, empathy, and true commitment they define marriages that become a fragile caricature. Such relationships are irreparably shattered by a silly argument, a few wrinkles on the face, unwanted pounds around the waist, a personality quirk or a whimsical desire to play the field to see if one can latch on to someone prettier, wealthier, younger, or possibly more exciting than one’s spouse.
These are issues that affect men and women. However, we men must step up and do our part to help to arrest the alarmingly negative state of gender relations in our communities. The level of chivalry the current crisis demands does not require that we pretend to be blind for twenty years. However, it does require some serious soul searching, and it demands that we ask ourselves some hard questions. For instance, why are so many Muslim men averse to marrying older or previously married women? The general feeling among the women folk in our communities is that if you are not married by the age of twenty-five, then you have only two chances of being married thereafter –slim and none. This sentiment pervades our sisters’ minds and hearts because of the reality they experience. Many brothers who put off marriage until they are past thirty-five will oftentimes marry someone close to half their age, passing over a generation of women who are intellectually and psychologically more compatible with them and would prove wiser parents for their children.
Despite this problem, and the clear social, psychological and cultural pathologies it breeds, many of us will hasten to give a lecture reminding our audience of the fact that Khadija, the beloved wife of our Prophet, was fifteen years his senior. We might even mention that she and several of his other wives were previously married. Why is it that what was good enough for our Prophet is repugnant to ourselves or our sons?
A related question would be, “Why are so many of our brothers so hesitant to marry strong, independent and intellectually astute women?” Many women in the West lack the support of extended family networks, which is increasingly true even in the Muslim world. Therefore, they must seek education or professional training to be in a position to support themselves if necessary, or to assist their husbands; an increasingly likely scenario owing to the nature of work in postindustrial societies. This sociological fact leads to women in the West generally manifesting a degree of education and independence that might not be present among women in more traditional societies and times – even though such societies are rapidly disappearing.
Many Muslim men will pass over talented, educated women who are willing to put their careers and education on hold, if need be, to commit to a family. The common reason given is that such women are too assertive, or they are not the kind of women the prospective husband’s mother is used to. As a result a significant number of our sisters, despite their beauty, talent, maturity, and dynamism are passed over for marriage in favour of an idealised, demure “real” Muslim woman. The social consequences of this practice are extremely grave for our community.
Again, we can ask ourselves, “To what extent does this practice conform to the prophetic model?” Our Prophet was surrounded by strong, assertive and independent women. His beloved Khadija, who we have previously mentioned, was one of the most successful business people in the Arabian Peninsula, and her wealth allowed the Prophet to retreat to the Cave of Hira where he would receive the first revelation.
Ayesha, despite her young age was an assertive, free-spirited, intellectual powerhouse who would become one of the great female scholars in history. The foundation for her intellectual greatness was laid by the Prophet himself who recognised her brilliance. Zainab bint Jahsh ran a “non-profit” organisation. She would make various handicrafts, sell them in the market and then use the proceeds to secretly give charity to the poor people of Medina. Umm Salamah had the courage to migrate from Mecca to Medina, unescorted, although she was ultimately accompanied by a single rider. She also had the vision to resolve the crisis at Hudaybiyya. These were all wives of the Prophet. To their names we could add those of many other strong and dynamic women who played a major role in the life of the fledgling Muslim community.
Another issue that is leading to many otherwise eligible women remaining single relates to color. If a panel of Muslim men, whose origins were in the Muslim world, were to choose Miss World, the title would likely never leave Scandinavia. No matter how beautiful a woman with a brown, black, or even tan complexion was, she would never be quite beautiful enough, because of her skin color. This attitude informs the way many choose their wives. This is a sensitive issue, but it is one we must address if we are to advance as a community. We may think that ours is a “colorblind” community, however, there are legions of women who have been relegated to the status of unmarriageable social pariahs who would beg to differ.
God has stated that “the basis for virtue with Him is piety; not tribe, race, or national origin.” (49:13) The Prophet reminded us that “God does not look at our physical forms, or at our wealth. Rather, He looks at our hearts and our deeds.” (Muslim) We debase ourselves when we exalt what God has belittled. God and His messenger have belittled skin color and body shape and size as a designator of virtue or distinction. What does it say about us when we use these criteria as truncheons to painfully bludgeon some of the most beautiful women imaginable into social insignificance?
Marriage is not a playground where the ego thoughtlessly pursues its vanities. This is something the chivalrous young man mentioned at the outset of this essay understood. It is an institution that helps a man and a woman pursue the purpose of their creation: to glorify and worship God and to work, within the extent of our capabilities and resources, to make the world a better place for those we share it with and for those we will leave it to. This role is beautifully captured in the Qur’an, “The believing men and women are the supporting friends of each other. They enjoin right, forbid wrong, establish regular prayer, pay the poor due, and they obey God and His Messenger. They expect God’s Mercy. Surely, God is Mighty, Wise.” (9:71)
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Post by abdallah on Sept 28, 2011 17:49:30 GMT 5
Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood / Few Rules for A Happy Marriage
1. Tell each other you love each other.
2 Never both be angry at the same time.
3 If you have to criticise, do it lovingly.
4 Never bring up old mistakes.
5 Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
6 Neglect the whole dunya rather than each other.
7 Pray together at least once a day.
8 Remember that behind every successful spouse is an exhausted partner.
9 Remember it takes two to quarrel.
10 When you have done something wrong, admit it.
11 At least once a day, say something kind or complimentary to your partner.
12 Do not go to bed more than ten minutes after your partner.
13 Listen when your partner is speaking.
14 Remember that your spouse is more important than the television/match/video etc.
15 Notice when your partner is wearing something new, or has a new hairdo.
16 Make dua for each other. Smile at each other.
17 Thank your partner for their gift, or effort on your behalf.
18 Last one up, make the bed.
19 Notice when your spouse looks tired, and do something about it.
20 Never run your partner down, or criticise them in public.
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Post by Ummati on Sept 28, 2011 18:49:52 GMT 5
Choosing Your Life Partner Amr Khaled[/b] In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. When we started this series we wanted to focus on returning the love in all of our homes. We focused on the word ‘love’ because even Allah said, “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an, 30:21) People are now having trouble finding a place where they can dwell in tranquillity but Allah wants the home, the husband and the wife, to be this place of tranquillity where we can dwell. When the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) was on his way back from the battle of That Al Reqa‘, the army was exhausted. When they got closer to Al Madinah, all they wanted to do was go back to their homes and sleep. When they got closer to Al Madinah the Prophet found that one of the men, Jaber Ibn Abdullah had fallen behind. So the Prophet left the entire army and fell behind looking for Jaber. The Prophet then asked Jaber how he was doing; Jaber replied and said he was fine. The Prophet asked Jaber if he was married and Jaber said he was. The Prophet asked Jaber if he married a virgin and Jaber said that he did not because his father died and left him with 9 sisters so he wanted to marry someone to serve them. The Prophet then told Jaber that when they returned to Al Madinah, they wouldn’t enter until Jaber’s wife learns of his arrival. This is so that his wife can prepare a nice sitting arrangement for him. The wives of these men haven’t seen them for about a month, so instead of having them go straight to bed as soon as they get home, the Prophet wanted to them to be well rested. The Prophet wanted the first meeting between a husband and wife to be filled with joy. The Prophet wanted to make the wives happy, the Prophet wanted there to be love in the home.There are 4 phases in choosing your life partner:
1. Identify criteria. 2. The Search . 3. Istikhaara 4. The parents’ approval.(the Parent's approval is not the last priority- it is important throught out! Infact, it is the parents who must do the looking! ) PHASE I: WHO AM I LOOKING FOR? Why were we created? Allah says, “I will create a vicegerent on Earth.” (Qur’an 2:30) What does this have to do with marriage? The first to be given a task of becoming a vicegerent on Earth was a family. It all started with the family; the first glad tidings of heaven were given to a family, We said: “O Adam! dwell thou and thy wife in the Garden.” (Qur’an 2:35) Instead of starting civilisation with a single family, Allah could have created an entire tribe. It is as though Allah is saying to us that building the Earth is associated with the family. Allah says in the Qur’an, “O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you.” (Qur’an 49:13) This verse is a very important one. Our civilisation started with a single entity, from a single family. It is as though Allah is telling us to get married so that we can continue to do what we were created to do. How many of us want to get married so that we can fulfil Allah’s commandments? Let’s talk in general about what guys and girls think and say.
Some guys say that they just want a girl who is good, and that’s because they don’t have clear criteria. Girls usually say they also want someone who is good and who will take care of them. Girls say this however without set criteria in their minds. Other guys and girls look for significant others who are stylish, funny, good looking, cool, and sweet. A third set of girls may say that they want a guy who is ambitious, educated, religious, who will take care of her and who is responsible. Some people start getting too specific with regards to aspects like the colour of the eyes, the hair, the kind of car, and about money. Then there are religious guys who say they want a religious girl that must also be beautiful. Their reason for this is that they to lower their gaze and so they need beautiful wives. Some other guys only care about religion without caring about looks or anything else. These are all just some examples of what people say.What about the Prophet, what does he say?
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e. her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.” Many people misunderstand this hadith; they think it says that men should marry women for one of the four things mentioned above. What the Prophet is saying here is that there are four main reasons, or popular reasons, that men end up marrying women. These are: her wealth, family status, beauty or religion. What the Prophet is saying is that men should marry the religious women, they should hold on to them tightly otherwise they will be a loser; you will be a person who has taken nothing. The same goes for women, they will lose if they do not take a religious man. This is not the first time that the Prophet talks about choosing a good wife, he also says that life on Earth is for enjoyment, and the best enjoyment on Earth is the pious woman.PRIORITIZE, PIETY IS NUMBER 1Allah says in the second verse of Surah Baqarah, “Our Lord! Give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter.” Scholars have said that the good in the Hereafter is Paradise. The good in this world is the one that deserves to be mentioned next to the good of the hereafter so that there is balance and therefore it must also be something of equal value. Scholars said that for a man, the good in this world is the pious wife. As for the woman, it is the good husband. The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) also said, “Whoever proposes to someone in marriage, he should be accepted, once they were pleased with his manners, religion, and trustworthiness, (if there is an emotional acceptance for the two parties involved) if he was refused for worldly reasons such as poverty, not wealthy enough or unsuitable social status, this will create corruption and fitnah on earth,” Hadith Saheeh (sound source). In the end, the meaning is to look for a person who is religious. This is not just the advice of the Prophet, but life experiences have also said the same. Men are happiest when their wives are religious, and women are happiest when their husbands are religious. A man asked a scholar who he should marry his daughter to. The scholar replied and told the man to marry his daughter to a religious man, if he loves her, he will be generous to her, and if he doesn’t love her, he will not be unjust to her.Don’t marry someone who doesn’t pray, don’t marry someone who you know drinks, don’t marry someone who does a major sin; how can you build a home like this? Don’t marry someone just because they are good looking and say that maybe they will start praying after you are married. Some parents tell their sons to marry a woman and tell him that after they are married she is going to get better, and the other way around as well. If so, then shouldn’t they start becoming better now? Your children should not see their father drink or find that their mother doesn’t pray. On the Day of Judgment we will be questioned for not choosing our spouses carefully, we will be questioned for not providing our children with the best mothers and fathers. This is why the first criteria for choosing a partner is for them to be religious. And this is not a criterion that can be compromised. This is a mentality that we need to plant deep in ourselves. We should number our criteria for choosing our spouses. And being religious is going to be at the top of the list then we need to actually follow that. The Prophet did not say to take a religious wife/husband and ignore everything else. No one said that your significant other should not be good looking, but the most important thing should be religion. Everything else should only be secondary.Some people think that they can marry someone and then change them into becoming more religious. The media has painted an untrue picture of what the religious man and woman are like. The media painted a dark and ugly picture. To be religious does not mean to be ugly. There are many religious people who are also good looking and who are well maintained. What if a guy wants to marry a girl who is not religious? Let’s ask a question here; is she or is she not willing to become religious? If she says yes, she will become more religious after marriage, then is she taking the steps that indicate that? How serious a person is about becoming religious will show in how fast they implement what they say. Some people say they want to become religious but they do not do anything about it, there is no implementation. Write down your criteria. At the stop of the list should be religion. If you can’t do that then be more specific and set minimum requirements. Say you cannot marry someone who does not pray, or someone that does major sins. What are you going to say to God? What are you going to say to Him about your children? AGREEMENT AND COMPATIBILITYSome religious people say they want a religious partner and that nothing else matters. They ignore social compatibility and the family. It isn’t important to them that there may be a huge difference in social status. Another kind of people say that social status is important and that religion is personal and that it is no one’s business, that maybe after marriage the spouse will improve religiously. Neither of the above arguments are correct. There are four kind of compatibility: religious compatibility, social compatibility, educational compatibility and materialistic compatibility. There will be a problem if a woman with an undergraduate degrees gets married to a man who hasn’t been to university. Social and educational compatibility are very important. There is an important incident that can be used to illustrate this. Zeinab Bint Jahsh was married to Zaid Ibn Haretha and there was a huge social gap. Zeinab was from the nobility of Quraysh, and Zaid was a freed slave. Both of these individuals were also very religious and Zeinab ended up being the Prophet’s wife so obviously she was religious. Zeinab’s relationship with Zaid failed because of the huge social gap. It is usually more difficult if a woman’s social status is higher than a man’s and it results in more problems. This does not mean that the social status must be the same. If a woman’s social status was slightly higher, that would be okay, and if his was slightly higher, that would be even better. The problems result when the gap is huge. What about materialistic compatibility? This one doesn’t matter. As long as educational and social compatibility exists then money does not and should not matter. With regards to religious compatibility, can you imagine a girl whose aim is to please Allah marry someone who doesn’t pray or someone who doesn’t care about Islam? How can parents not care about something like this? How can a woman devoted to Allah be with a man who doesn’t even think about religion? In the end, the purpose of a family is for them to hold on tightly to one another, and if religion is lacking this will not be possible. AGEThere are two cases; either the man will be older than the woman or the other way around. The Prophet’s wife Khadeejah was 15 years older than him, she was 40 and he was 25. This however is related to the fact that the Prophet’s maturity was great. It is a fact that until the age of 22 women mature faster than men. Men can marry older women under two conditions. 1. The woman is a reasonable mature women who will not feel that just because she is older that she will be the one who should be in control of the home and the relationship. 2. The man must be reasonable and mature so that he isn’t too young. Let’s look at the opposite scenario and talk about when a woman marries a man who is 15 or 20 years older than her. Scholars have said that ideally, a man should be 3-10 years older than a woman. This is why Abu Bakr refused to marry his daughter to a few men who were much older. Nowadays, we find that some girls choose to marry men who are much older than them. They choose men, who were friends with their fathers that they use to call uncle. This happens because girls do not feel like they can find responsible young men. The number of young men who are willing or who can take this degree of responsibility is decreasing. Recently men do not want to take the responsibility, they want to come home from work and go out with their friends in the evening. Meanwhile, it is the women who not only take care of everything in the house like the cooking and cleaning, but she is also the one who is taking care of the paper work, doing the grocery shopping so that the woman ends up doing her job and his. Women don’t want this; they want to marry a man who will share the responsibility with her. Women should still be careful because it is not easy marrying someone who is a lot older. Being religious does not mean to just go and pray and fast and wear the Hijab. That can all just be a façade and a false pretence. Being religious should be reflected on our actions and manners. It is not enough to say that someone is religious because they pray, you need to look at their manners and see how they treat others and that is when you will find out if they are religious or not. ‘Omar Ibn Al-Khattab met a man once and asked him if he knows a certain individual. This man said he did, and that he knew him well. ‘Omar asked him if he has worked with this individual in matters relating to money. The man said no. ‘Omar asked him if he travelled with this individual. The man said no. ‘Omar then said to the man that if he knew this individual only from the mosque and had seen him pray and read the Qur’an then he does not know him. Look for the true religious person, the one who reflects it and acts it. The truly religious person is the person you will be happy with in this world and the hereafter. TIE YOUR CRITERIA WITH YOUR GOALSWe all want to go to heaven, so we need to look for the significant other who will help us worship Allah and go to heaven. Looking for a religious person does not mean you need to ignore the social status or pleasing looks. The Prophet said for men to go and look at their perspective wives, he told them to take a good look at their potential spouses. In the hadith mentioned earlier, when the Prophet said, “Whoever proposes to someone in marriage, he should be accepted, once they were pleased with his manners, religion,” he differentiated between manner and religion. He did this because just praying is not enough; you need to look very carefully at the manners. What we are trying to say here is that the most important thing is for the individual to be religious and then you can look for someone who is appealing. Appealing does not mean beauty, appealing means looks that comfort you. It means find someone whose looks please you, and make you feel safe and comfortable. There are three main points here:
1. Religion. 2. An acceptable appearance, one that pleases you. 3. A compatible social and educational/mental level.In choosing your significant other you should pay special attention to the above three criteria. If every one takes these three into consideration while choosing their life partner, they will feel better and safer about their choice. This is related to your goal of going to heaven, then find someone who will help you attain that goal. If you want someone to help you worship Allah, and to be a good parent to your children, and to help you raise your children well, someone who will help you fill your community with goodness, then find someone who will help you do this. PHASE II: LETS START LOOKING When we let go of the theory and hit the real world we run into problems. The problem is that we find that the age of unmarried people is older, in the 30′s and that we cannot find our criteria. Girls are especially running into this problem. They themselves will come from good families, they are religious and meet all the criteria, but they cannot find husbands that meet their criteria. There are three reasons that have led to this: 1. Monetary complications where sometimes parents end up asking for too much. 2. Men who do not want to take responsibility and women do not want this. 3. Chances are weak and this will be explained more clearly below. HAVING A BOY/GIRL FRIEND IS NOT THE ANSWERIn Islam, we talk about not getting into boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Once you move into the work environment after graduating from university, without a boy/girlfriend, you find that the community around you has shrunk and become very small. So you are limited to choosing from a small number of people and you feel like there is no one around you that you can marry. Some girls say that they work to get married; they work so that they can meet people and get married. This of course is not wrong; girls want to get married without doing something wrong of course, that is fine. This is why people feel that they need to get into boy/girl friend relationship; they feel that this is the only way to find the person they want to marry. But as mentioned in the last lecture, statistics show that 99% of boy/girlfriend relationships do not end up with marriage. And when its time to get married your heart aches because of past relationships. What is the alternative? THE LOST COMMUNITY- LET US REBUILD, RE-ASSOCIATEIn the past, it was harder to get to meet people because not every one could afford to not work and go to university, however, our parents still managed to do it. Something must have changed between back then and now. What is lacking now is the strong familial network that was abundant a long time ago. Unlike before, now people want their own privacy, their own rooms, their own telephone lines and they isolate themselves. Not only was the family network strong, but people also had strong ties with their neighbours and everyone knew everyone else. Now, no one knows the name of his or her neighbours. Families used to visit each other all the time and travel together. Now, fathers go and see their families alone because their sons and daughters want to go out with their own friends instead of visiting their families. And when parents want their sons and daughter to come out with them on family outings, their request is met with objection. Another network was formed in the mosque where everyone used to go and pray and that is how people met other people. This is why they did not feel the need to subject themselves to boy/girl friend relationships to meet someone. These networks allow you to study each other’s behaviour without being in an unlawful relationship. And because of this network you know that this person will not fool you, you know that they will not turn out to be someone else after you are married. Isn’t this what happens now? We find that people before marriage are one thing, and after they are another. Through a network however you will have known this person for years and so you will know who they really are. It is the fathers’ responsibility to do this, to try and create a strong web of family and friends. If you do this, your daughter will never have to resort to getting a boyfriend or to find someone over the Internet through a match making website. Essentially you are sending your info to an employee who matched you with that he believes to be your significant other. Instead of a father finding a suitable husband for his daughter, it has now become a company on the Internet that does that. Even worse, there are girls who advertise themselves on television because they want to get married. Islam tells women that they are valuable, and that they should not degrade and cheapen themselves like that. Women are valuable, they are queens who should be pursued and chased by men who want to marry them. Brothers have also been neglecting their roles in this process. All brother and sisters do right now is yell and fight. Brothers need to choose their friends carefully so that they can help their sisters. Everyone should do what they can to create an environment where people can meet their significant others without doing anything wrong. This is the main solution to helping people get married. Family members should stick together and run towards one another, not away from each other. Narrated Abu Huraira: A man came to Allah’s Apostle and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?” The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) said, “Your mother.” The man said. “Who is next?” The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) said, “Your mother.” The man further said, “Who is next?” The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) said, “Your mother.” The man asked for the fourth time, “Who is next?” The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) said, “Your father.” You may think that this is a little off topic but it isn’t. Befriending your parents or children will help with the process of choosing a good significant other. We need our families to be more open and receptive. Parents and their kids should be able to talk to one another about their problems and to share their opinions. APPARENTLY ON THE SHELFWhat about women who are getting older and are still single, who want to get married but have not yet found the right men to marry, what can they do? The best advice that can be given to them is to trust Allah, rely on Him and be content with what Allah has written. The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) said that the pens have been raised and the ink has dried; this pretty much means that it is already written whom you will marry. Allah is generous so don’t worry. Allah is more merciful than your mother, father and the whole world. If you are not married yet, then focus your time on something else; give your time to charity, to learn something new, do something for Islam and so on. Sometimes Allah postpones events for people because they are meant to do something else. Maybe Allah didn’t let someone have children right away because they were meant to fulfil a certain task/role of great benefit. PHASE III: FOUND THE PERSON! WHAT NOW? WHEN YOU LIKE SOMEONEAfter fleeing from Egypt, Moses went to Madian and he was exhausted when he arrived. When he arrived, he found men watering their flocks and besides were two women standing on the side. Moses then went to the two girls and said, “What is the wrong?” They said: “We cannot water (our flocks) until the shepherds take (their flocks). And our father is a very old man.” So he watered (their flocks) for them, then he turned back to the shade and said: “My Lord! Truly I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me!”Then there came to him one of the two women, walking shyly. She said: “Verily, my father calls you that he may reward you for having watered (our flocks) for us.” So when he came to him and narrated the story he said: “Fear you not. You have escaped from the people who are Zalimun (polytheists, disbelievers and wrongdoers.” When they went home, one of the women said to her father: And said one of them (the two women): “O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong, the trustworthy.” He said: “I intend to wed one of these two daughters of mine to you” (Qur’an: Chapter Al-Qasas verses 23-27). In this story, one of the sisters had taken a liking to Moses and it was that same sister that talked to him and told him that her father wanted to meet him and reward him. When the father spoke to his daughter, he could sense what it was that she wanted and so he proposed to wed her to Moses. NOT WITHOUT CONSENTIt is okay for a father to look for a good husband for his daughter; at the same time however, a father should not force his daughter to marry a certain individual. The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) said that a woman is not to be wed without her consent. THE MESSENGERLove is an instinct, which means that if a woman finds a man that she would like to marry, without doing anything wrong, then she could either say, “I want to marry this man” or she could find a middle person. Most men feel that it is they who should pursue a woman and not the other way around. It is for that reason that a woman should not directly say to a man that she wants to marry him. The best and safest thing to do is to find a middle person. This is what the Prophet’s (P.B.U.H.) wife Khadeejah did. While Khadeejah was sitting one day, her friend Nafeesa came and asked her what the matter was and what was troubling her mind. Khadeejah replied and said that she saw in Muhammad (P.B.U.H.) what she did not see in other men. She continued to say that she saw in him manners, a good mind, trust, honesty, and that she felt that he was going to be someone important in this time period. Nafeesa then felt for her friend and sensed what it was she wanted, so she asked Khadeejah what she would think if Muhammad (P.B.U.H.) would be her husband. Khadeejah didn’t know how that would happen, so Nafeesa said she would take care of it. Nafeesa went to the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) and said, “Muhammad, won’t you marry?” The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) said he did not have anything to marry with. Nafeesa then asked him if he would marry if he found something to marry with and above that someone who had beauty, a good family and so on. The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) asked Nafeesa who this woman would be and Nafeesa replied that it would be Khadeejah. The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) asked Nafeesa if she thought Khadeeja would agree and Nafeesa said she would ask Khadeejah. When you choose a middle person, you need to choose a middle person who is smart and knows what to do and what to say.The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) forbade us from riding the sea of hopes and dreams. Beware of living in a fantasy and a dream and hoping for things that are very unlikely to happen, because when they do not happen you will be disappointed and hurt. ISTIKHAARA, THE PRAYER FOR GUIDANCEThere is a very important step that people do not take. It is very important to pray the Istikhara (prayer for guidance) before you do anything. After you set your criteria and after you look for a suitable potential spouse, pray the Istikhara prayer. When you pray this prayer you are entrusting Allah, you tell Him to take care of you and the situation or decision to be made. Pray two raka’as (prostrations) and then say the following decision-making supplication: Oh Allah! I seek Your guidance by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power; I have none. And You know; I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things. Oh Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter*) is good for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the future, then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this matter*) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the future, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And ordain for me the good wherever it may be, and make me content with it. *You should substitute (this matter) with the issue you are praying for.Once you do this, then let your heart rest and be assured that what is best will happen. What ever occurs after you pray this prayer will be the result of the Istikhara. CONSULTYou find that at times, after the wedding has taken place, the family finds out that the father is not who he said he really was. It is very important to ask about the man/woman and their family. Some people do not know how to ask or do not ask enough. You will not regret asking around about the person your son or daughter is going to marry. What sort of questions should you ask? It is important to question the family’s source of income and make sure that the source is not unlawful. People have forgotten that question and instead ask about how rich the family is, or how much they make, instead of asking where the money came from. It is important because you do not want your son or daughter to enter into a family that makes haram money. PHASE IV: MOM AND DAD, DO YOU APPROVE? Let’s agree on something; do not get married without the approval and consent of your parents. If your parents are angry and do not approve of your marriage, then the blessing on your marriage could be lifted. If your parents are mad at you, how can Allah bless your marriage? You should not marry without your parents’ approval, even if they are not religious. You cannot anger and ruin a family to start one of your own. This leaves us with this question: how much can your parents interfere with your decision of whom you want to marry? Your parents can interfere when it comes to the social status or habits of your potential spouse’s family. What they cannot interfere with is your decisions based on the looks of your partner. Do not forget that in the end, it is not just a man marrying a woman; it is two families marrying each other. Okay, so now what happens if the parents, for no good reason, do not approve and they will not change their minds, what happens then? It then becomes your right to say and insist that you will marry no other. This can be said without a fight, without yelling and without leaving the house. If they still do not agree, find a middle person, find someone who will have to ability to talk to and convince your parents. If this still does not work, then talk to your parents and tell them to hypothetically just switch places with you. Do a role-play where you pretend to be your parents and your parents pretend to be you. If they still do not agree then do some thinking. Parents are sometimes right and this may be one of those cases. So sit and think about what they have said without being stubborn. If you have prayed the Istikhara then no matter what happens, do not worry. Know that whatever happens is happening as a result of your prayer, which means it is happening for the best. Maybe Allah made your parents so strong against this marriage because it will do you more harm than good if you were to go through with it. A man came to the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) and told him that two men proposed to his daughter, one of them was poor and the other was rich and that he wanted his daughter to marry the rich man. The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) wanted to know which of the two the daughter wanted to marry. The man told the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) that his daughter wanted to marry the poor man. The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) then said that if they love each other, they should marry each other.
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Post by Ummati on Sept 28, 2011 18:54:52 GMT 5
Does A Muslim Woman Have to Obey Her Husband?[/color] Question:A woman must obey her husband, she can’t go out of the house without his permission, and she even has to obey her husband even if he tells her to do something that she hates; and she obeys him even against herself or her parents’ will – why is it like this? A woman is a human being with the right to think and decide for herself. Sometimes a woman can think in some situations more clearly than her husband, but if the husband says something, then his words are the ones to be followed – why is it like this? Why do I have to obey my husband even before obeying my father who raised me up all these years? I know that in Islam, men and women are equal, but this doesn’t seem like equality. I am not questioning Islam or God of course, but I just need an explanation. Why do we have to obey the men in submission like this? Prophet Muhammad said “If I would have ordered someone to do sujud (prostration), for someone else except Allah, I would have ordered the wife to do it to her husband” ? I dont understand this.Answer by Abdul-Lateef AbdullahIn the name of Allah the Most Gracious the Most Merciful May He bestow His peace and blessings on His messenger, Muhammad, his family, Companions, and all of those who follow them sincerely. As salamu `alaykum, Thank you for your very poignant question. It is an important one and one that you need to settle before you marry for there should be no lingering doubts about Islam or your future husband. It is, therefore, very important that you receive an answer to this and any other questions you have. One thing that is very important for all of us to be able to differentiate is the difference between Islamic teachings, cultural practices, and beliefs. Sometimes these two are in complete opposite to one another even though the practices referred to are coming from Muslims. Yes, it is true that the husband is the head of the household in Islam, but that does not mean that he runs the household like a tyrant. It also does not mean that women have not the power to make decisions. As a convert to Islam myself, I realize that there is a very big difference between the outward, literal aspects of these teachings and their application in real life. The Muslim home – in the true spirit of Islam — is one where Allah is God and He alone is worshipped, not the husband/father. Men are given a certain degree of RESPONSIBILITY over their wives, rather than a degree of privilege or power. According to Sheikh `Abdullah Adhami, the Companions of Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and the early scholars of Islam understood and practiced the Qur’an in these terms – that the degree that men are afforded is one of responsibility, not power: (see in the Qur`an Al Baqarah 2:228) “Women who are divorced shall wait, keeping themselves apart, three (monthly) courses. And it is not lawful for them that they should conceal that which Allah hath created in their wombs if they are believers in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands would do better to take them back in that case if they desire a reconciliation. And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise.”The degree above them, according to Sheikh `Abdullah is a degree of responsibility, not a degree of privilege or power. In many cultures, however, this degree is taken to mean that the husband has power to do and act however he wants without question. This, however, is against the teachings of Islam. Yes, men are the head of the household in Islam, but mutual respect and consideration are the way in which the affairs of the house should be governed. Specific questions about a woman leaving the house, for example, are also important to consider in the spirit of Islam, along with the mere dictates of the law. Yes, a woman should get permission to leave the house. This should, however, be understood according to the spirit of mutual respect. A husband is responsible for safeguarding the safety of his family. If he does not know when and where his wife is coming and going, how is he supposed to do that? By the same token, a husband should also discuss with his wife his leaving the house out of respect for her. For example, perhaps she wants to pray and there is no one to watch the young children or a baby. The husband should first consult the wife about going out and the two should come to a mutually beneficial arrangement. Maybe the wife will ask the husband to wait 20 minutes so that she can pray first, for example. In any case, the husband must be considerate of the wife’s needs and situation, not only his own. The point is that the affairs of the house are not a dictatorship; they should be conducted according to mutual respect and teamwork, with both respecting the rights and responsibilities of the other. The rights and legal dictates exist so that we know our basic responsibilities and do not cross any lines that we shouldn’t, however, in practice we should always strive for the best of ways in our affairs, which is, of course, according to the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (SAW), who was nothing but kind, gentle and fair with his wives and family. There was no one on Earth who treated his wives better than the Prophet (SAW), so we should take his example in all of our affairs. Some examples of Islamic teachings in regard to wives/women: {Among His signs is the fact that he has created spouses from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquillity with them; and he has put love and mercy between you. In that are signs for people who reflect} (Qur’an Ar Rum 30:21)Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was reported to have said: • “From among the believers are those who have the kindest disposition and are the kindest to their families- such are those who show the most perfect faith. The best among them are those who are kindest to their wives.” (1)
• “The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.” (2)
• “Do not beat the female servants of God.” (3)
• “Whoever has a female child and does not bury her alive, nor hide her in contempt, nor prefers his male child over her, God will make him enter Paradise.” (4)
• “Whoever brings up two sisters or two daughters, and gives them a broad education, and treats them well, and gives them in marriage, for him is Paradise.” (5)(1) Bukhari and Muslim (2) Tirmidhi (3) Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah (4) Abu Dawud (5) Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi Remember, Prophet Muhammad (SAW), the best of creation was a servant of his family, not a tyrant or a king: Narrated Al Aswad: I asked ‘Aisha what did the Prophet use to do at home. She replied, “He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer.” (bukhari)Serving his family, according to other hadith on the subject, included: sweeping floors, sewing clothes, cooking, serving guests, teaching and educating the children, and others. How many Muslim husbands, despite being so quick to claim their status of ‘head of household’ live according to this example? How many of us see ourselves and act as servants of our families rather than kings? This ahadith is just one powerful example of the difference between knowing the RIGHTS of husbands and knowing our RESPONSIBILITIES as husbands who are followers of the best of creation, Rasulullah (SAW). Using the Prophet’s example, we can understand that it was because of the standard of his behavior, and loving kindness to his family that he was so well respected and obedient to them. He never had to ‘demand’ his authority from them like many of us. He simply behaved in a way that made people want to serve him and follow him. That is the greatness of the Prophet (SAW) – he made people WANT to obey him because of his high standard of character and example as a human being, husband, father, etc. muslimmarriages.wordpress.com
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Post by iLoveAllah on Sept 30, 2011 23:03:15 GMT 5
The Language of Men: Understanding Your Husband’s Needs
Question
As salamu ‘alaykum
What do you think should be as a wife if a husband always criticize the wife from the way she eat, dress, talk, most of the time putting her down and the husband feels superior though she already did what he wants, but it is still not enough for him and still got criticize.
Answer by Dr Karima K Burns
This situation can happen with husbands and with wives and can sometimes indicate an abusive relationship, however, usually it indicates a mutually dissatisfying situation for both spouses. You have not indicated you are being abused in this enquiry, provided details about yourself or examples of specific situations so I will approach the situation using the second scenario. Additionally, since you have written to me (and not your husband) I am going to approach the question with a solution that you can try yourself.
If you were seeing a counselor together or your husband had asked this question I would have a slightly different answer. However, there is one rule in relationships that has stood true across all time – you can only guarantee change if you work on your own problems. There is never any guarantee with others, as their actions and feelings are beyond your control.
Because of this it would be useless for me to provide you with information about what your husband could do. I am providing information about what you can do, and how you can understand the situation more clearly. Not because you are at fault or the only person at fault, but because, since you have asked for help, I want to give YOU the tools to regain control of your happiness in this marriage.
In the second scenario I mentioned above, the marriage has become unbearable for both spouses and the focus has turned to criticism instead of love and understanding. You may perceive that only your husband is being critical. However, your e-mail indicates that you are also critical of him. In your e-mail you are stating that your husband “puts down his wife” ,that he “feels superior”, that he is “not satisfied with what he has” and that he “criticizes his wife.”
These are four very negative statements about your husband. He most likely can sense that you feel these negative feelings towards him (and perhaps more?). Even if you don’t express these feelings he can feel this in two ways. If you do express negative feelings he will feel this in three ways:
1. If you express sadness, negative feelings, dissatisfaction, anger, etc…he will feel you are not happy with him. He wants to be able to make you happy. Knowing you are unhappy will make him very unhappy.
2. If you feel these feelings about him and do not verbalize them they will come out in non-verbal ways and he will sense them.
3. A man’s sense of worth in a marriage is often tied to his feeling of self-worth as a husband and father. A man, to be happy in a marriage, needs to feel he is a good husband and father and that he is taking good care of his family. If you are not letting him know or feel he is successful then he will be unhappy and be more likely to reflect this back to you.
This is different from what makes a woman happy in a marriage. Women are often happiest when their husband and children show that they love her. Women also want to feel they are able to make their families happy. However, most prominently, they thrive on feelings of love in the relationship. Although men also need love, men thrive more on accomplishment in the relationship.
When your husband feels successful and able to make you happy he will be more and more encouraged to continue this behavior. This may seem impossible. You may be thinking, “How can I let him know he makes me happy when he isn’t making me happy?”
To accomplish this you need to turn your focus from the negative and be able to reflect back to him, for some time, only the positive aspects of what he is doing for you as a husband. Forget, for a time, the things he is doing “wrong” and focus on and communicate to him the things he is doing “right”.
Does he support you financially? Is he handsome? Does he thank you for the meals you cook? Is he kind to his family? What good qualities does he have that you are thankful for? Why did you first love him? Why did you first marry him? Does he still have some of these qualities? Let him know about these things daily.
It may take some time for you to see some change. It depends on how long you have been married, how long this negative situation has been going on, and how dedicated and sincere you are in trying to change it.
If you can give this some effort and be patient, and give him some time to trust you again and really hear you, he will start to feel safe again in the relationship and will feel free to stop criticizing you and start complimenting you and enjoying your company.
Initially he may not trust what you are saying, or he may be so used to hearing critical things he may not understand what you are saying or really hear you at first. So please be patient and continue. Only the most severe of situations can withstand the force of so much positive energy. If you are able to infuse this relationship with as much positive energy as possible – in as many ways as you can think of – he will be unable to resist the “new mood” of the house and will naturally fall into the new patterns you have created. It may take a little time (1-3 months) but it will happen Insha-Allah.
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Post by iLoveAllah on Sept 30, 2011 23:08:55 GMT 5
What to Do After Saying “I Do”By Umm Junayd It’s important for newly wed couples to build their lives on mutual communication and sharing thoughts. If you are a new bride or going to wed anytime soon, this is a special serving of down-to-earth advice for you. Be His Friend Marriage is not a slave and master relationship; it’s one with two team players who are able to get through just about anything together. The relationship between you and your husband should transcend the boundaries of spouses and extend to the level of friendship. You should be able to open up fully to one another, laugh together, cry together, and have a whole heap of fun. Keep That Look!On your wedding day (and night) and during your “honeymoon period” your husband is dazzled by your beauty and grace, but these are not the only times to keep yourself looking pristinely gorgeous. It is all too common that after a couple of months into a marriage, women begin to forget how to groom themselves, wear nice clothes, and smell like a thousand roses. Worse still, when children enter the scene, all the make-up, perfumes, and dresses are replaced with nappy wipes, baby oil, and tracksuits. Stop! Don’t fall victim to the “I’m a mother and haven’t got time” excuse. Keep that make-up, perfume, and dress well within hand’s reach because you can still look spectacular, no matter how long you have been married. Whether you are a slender or a voluptuous woman, try to look graceful and beautiful, simply because you are. Compromise and CelebrateThere’s no doubt that there will always be times when either of you simply have to be stubborn to get your way, but don’t let it be you. While stubbornness canvsometimes work in your favor, it can also crush a beautiful bond; strive to meet in the middle and learn to bite your tongue, swallow your pride, and compromise. It really can ease a sticky situation, and could be a cause to celebrate. Open the Door of UnderstandingThe door of understanding may sometimes be difficult to unlock, but you hold aspecial key: that of communication. Keeping things bottled up never does any good, and you may end up feeling like a Cola bottle that keeps getting shaken… what ends up happening? A volcanic explosion! Speaking to your husband in a mature and measured way about issues that are bothering you, not only relieve tensions, but also avert the explosion situation where “everything comes out”. Know Him Better Than His MotherGet to know your husband inside out, and it will be a breeze when it comes to working out what he likes and dislikes. Not only will it strengthen your bond, but he will also feel secure knowing that his beloved wife is someone who understands him and recognizes his needs. It will also play in your favor when trying to determine when it’s best to sweet talk him. Forget the WorldDuring the hustle and bustle of life, work and family, there’s often little room for”us-time”. Something as simple as strolls in the park, a day trip to the zoo, or a weekend at the beach can be fantastic and you get to know one another better. So forget the world and bask in one another’s company. Have Time for YouWhile tending to your new family may be incredibly rewarding, it can also take its toll on you, and cause you to forget about yourself. Vow to yourself, that each and every day you will take a step — whether large or small — devoted to developing as a person. Whether it involves working on your memorization of the Quran, reading a book, or pampering yourself, even getting your hair done can be intensively gratifying. Be a True Team in Strengthening Your ReligionActs of worship done with your husband can be so fulfilling. Something as simple as praying obligatory prayers together if he can’t make it to the mosque, increases your bond of union and can be truly spiritually rewarding. Studying or seeking knowledge alone can be isolating, but having a husband who can teach you and also be taught is a blessing and not only draws you closer spiritually, but also allows you to grow in faith together. Focusing on the negative aspects of a marriage is all too easy, but loving, understanding, communicating, and compromising can bring endless bliss to any husband-wife relationship. Abandon the downbeat facets, and enjoy your
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Post by Ummati on Oct 13, 2011 22:24:20 GMT 5
Newlyweds : The Same Old StorySally RawheyIt has to be what I want! No, what I want!These are the two sentences each newly married couple scream out in total silence. It is unusual that they would express it to each other, but their actions indicate what is going on in their minds. Who will lead the battle, who will carry an army of patience and who will allow his armies to attack? They entered this marriage in the name of love, or even in the name of mutual understanding and respect, however, the first months and years of marriage encourage a lot of destructive weapons, strategic planning and explosive intentions. Let’s not be too dramatic. Let’s move in slowly and see what it’s all about. He walked in and closed the door behind you….. You smiled, that’s the moment you have been waiting for so long. Just you and him finally in your home – husband and wife – and a future of happiness. He is all yours and you are all his… what could go wrong? Simply nothing! Take some advice, cross the ‘no’ out of this dialog, because unfortunately there are a lot of things ahead. A lot of it is negative. It is not a smooth road ahead! No! Marriage is so far from it. It is sweet yes, but bitter sweet! Here are some bites for you to taste. Some Money …. Less money…. No moneyHere’s the situation: You had the wedding you wanted, you furnished the flat you struggled for, and you spent on the honeymoon you fancied. You are now back to reality with no money, some debts and a lot of blame! Hubby: I told you there was no need for all the expenses you insisted on for the wedding!” Wife: “You didn’t seem to mind adding 20 couples to the list after we finished our budget…” Hubby: “ We were not supposed to buy all that stuff on our honeymoon…” Wife: “You were supposed to make better calculations..” Money is among your first enemies; actually the lack of it straight after you have tied the knot. If you believe that the word “I” is spoken more than any other word, take this dare, the word money will pop up more with a newly-wed couple. Who takes the salary into his hand? Will he save any money? Will this money be enough for the month? Where did your money go? You said you would give me more money? Money, money…money…is the much hated friend that shares your marriage. It can even destroy it, especially in those early days when its scarcity can be translated by both partners as stinginess, selfishness or even failure. Habits…Habits…and More Habits..These will surely create some waves of fury as you swim your way into your life-long relationship with your spouse. She takes all the covers to herself and rolls in it like a salmon sandwich. He snores like a rhino all night long. She spends hours showering and there is only one toilet to use when nature calls. He doesn’t seem to mind the suffocating smell that comes out of his shoes and takes it lightly. She does not pick up her clothes and leaves them piled on the couch. He and she both have different habits that they have been living with for years and years and simply do not care to change after marriage, no matter how annoying these might be to the other party. One finds it difficult to accept other people’s habits that are alien to him. Often time makes it bearable but at other times a habit is painful and a continuous topic of arguments between husband and wife. My family Vs Your family… Dividing time among the in-laws is a major issue to newly-weds. It is an issue that is better discussed and finalized before marriage. This is one issue were six people have to be satisfied, not just the married couple, and it also includes two sets of parents who are still learning how to let go of their “kids” to their new life. It requires a lot of sacrifice, a lot of understanding and a lot of patience to reach a deal that is accepted by all. It is so difficult; .a task that even Superman would consider “dangerous”! Both spouses want the day off with their parents; each wants the first day of Ramadan with their parents; each wants the first day of Eid with their parents…and so on and so forth. Who Stole the Fire?The fire of love will often lose its glow after the first few months of marriage and the intensity of the emotions that used to shift and turn them in waves of romance, will lighten up. Usually a woman spots this case first and turns to her husband with another fire in her eyes asking, “What changed you? You haven’t said you love me all week? You come back from work and sit in front of the TV in total silence! You don’t want to drive me any where, after you used to beg me to drive me any where! You don’t love me any more!?!” Or a husband could even be the first to track the situation, and cynically accuse the wife of changing, “Why is your hair such a mess, and what is this you’re wearing, you look like Hassan Metwaly, my buddy from my army days! You only talk about what the house is missing but you never make me feel that you’re happy; we’re happy together…bla, bla, bla “ It is a long list of complaints that rise to the surface when the strong churning feelings of love sink below the normal routine of a married couple. In life, nothing remains with its strong intensity, everything eventually fades out. A scientist would tell me that this is the law of Osmosis, or is it diffusion…the diffusion of the strong, burning heat of love to a cooler existence that all married couple eventually live in. There are countless problems that could plague a new marriage and shake its roots before it has time to grow deep and strong. The newly-married couple could well be struggling with financial difficulties, in-law problems, lack of accommodation, full working schedules combined with the unfamiliarity of living under the same roof with a spouse. What to do? Grab two chairs, put a smile on your faces and two, big breaths from each of you. Better set the rules now, and make your agreements before it turns into a ‘blame war’. And remember as you sit before each other with demands, that marriage is all about sacrifices. A more important part of smoothing your relationship during those tough, first years is to do beautiful things together. The first thing to do is to snatch any chance to Pray together. Encourage your partner to read or recite Quran together. Visit each of your families together. Do anything that brings good to other people and do it together. You will find that nothing will get you closer to your spouse than yielding good deeds together. It is only by being together that will you stay together!
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Post by Mujaahid on Oct 14, 2011 13:17:10 GMT 5
A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE STORY:
The exceptional characteristics some people display are quite dumbfounding really, particularly when you put yourself in their shoes. JEDDAH -- The love between an Islamic preacher with special needs and a Holy Qur'an teacher has turned into marriage.
The touching story began when Abdullah Banimah, who is completely paralyzed appeared on a satellite television program talking about spreading the message of Islam in several countries in the world. When his future wife saw the program she immediately told her father about her desire to marry him because she admired him for courageously facing up to his disability and for dedicating his life to Islamic preaching. Their dream turned true Tuesday when their friends queued along the road leading to the Al-Salam Wedding Hall in Jeddah to wish the couple a happy married life. Abdullah had almost drowned in a swimming pool at a sports club in Jeddah. He had remained underwater for 15 minutes. This caused a great deal of damage to his brain which resulted in his paralysis. The incident made him change his life completely by dedicating it to Islamic work. Dhaiffallah bin Saad Al-Ghamadi, the bride's father, said: "My daughter, who works as teacher for one of the Holy Qur'an memorization schools in Jeddah, chose Abdullah on her own. After insisting she wanted to get married to him, I bowed to her will." Dhaifallah said the reason for marrying Abdullah is for them to work hand-in-hand in the way of Allah. Omar Banamh, the groom's father, said: "I have nothing to say but to pray to Allah to crown this marriage by blessing them with pious offspring."He said he hoped Abdullah will see his children grow up with no disability. Abdullah was ecstatic about his marriage. "In the beginning I could not believe this was her desire. She really surprised me. I will never ever forget her noble stand and insistence on accepting me as her husband. I pray to Allah day and night to enable me to make her happy for the rest of my life."
He said he will never forget, for the rest of his days, the many people who had gathered to wish him a happy marriage." Whew! What a story. Number of points there.1. There do exist such people Masha Allah. The daughter, her father, her family should all be praised. Imagine yourself in that situation. Would you do that? Or would you allow your daughter to marry a crippled man? What about the extended family? She belongs to Al-Ghamdi family, which means she comes from the so-called "high society". How difficult would it be for people to disregard social honor and societal pressure?. This is why these people are special, masha Allah. May Allah increase their guidance and bless them with good in this life and the hereafter. These are the role models of a society. They deserve coverage in the media. People need good examples. 2. Look at the zeal they have for Islam. Look at how this man's life changed after a tragedy. So the tragedy was the beginning really. A beginning of a journey insha Allah to achieve the eternal. 3. Despite all difficulties, if Allah wants to bless someone with something, it will come to you. Who would have thought a paralyzed man would get married in the first place? He not only got married, but got a wife who is Insha Allah better than many women. 4. Look at the noble way in which the woman approached the issue of marriage. She fell in love -- a genuine liking for the man and wanted to marry him. She spoke to her father and her father approached the man's family. This is so noble. It's the pure path Islam has facilitated for men and women -- marriage. At stark contrast is the lewd path, where men or women express their feelings to each other and fall into Haraam and illicit relationships. A slippery slope that pulls people down the pit of lust. There's no love, purity or chastity -- there's only pain, selfishness and desires that turn human beings into animals.
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Post by Ummati on Oct 14, 2011 14:59:41 GMT 5
@ A different kind of love story.Subhan Allaah, this story is so inspirational! Allah SWT's plans for us are always full of wisdom. Think of the brother, masha Allah- a lot of people after confronting such tragedies lose hope and even trust in Allah SWT. They completely despair and think their lives are over. Well, nowadays, with our petty problems, we think 'my life is so OVER' after every little matter- or nauzubillah, even go as far as to say: I wish I was dead instead. Look at his courage, and how he instead became CLOSER to Allah SWT than before. Goes to show us once again that patience when faced with trials and difficulties is surely rewarded. In this world, but more- in the everlasting Hereafter, insha Allah May Allah SWT grant us pure hearts and always keep us firm on the right path! Ameen.
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Post by Mujaahid on Oct 31, 2011 18:19:34 GMT 5
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Post by Mujaahid on Nov 16, 2011 15:11:43 GMT 5
Seven Beautiful Pearls Which Make A Wife Special <= 1) The Patient:The woman who remains patient in all circumstances, and never whines, moans, nags or complains. When some trouble or affliction hits her, she turns to Allah for help. ... 2) The Protector:
The woman who protects her husband’s wealth & her chastity when he is away from home. She doesn’t gossip or mingle with other men, nor does she allow anyone in his house without his approval. She knows, respects and stays within the boundaries of his gheerah. When he returns, she runs to his arms, as if she was anticipating for his return. She allows him time to relax before anything and does not burden him with the day’s problems, but listens attentively to his needs and does her best to take his tiredness away. 3) The Lover:
The women who adores her husband, beautifies herself, and smells nice for him. She craves for his children to the extent that whenever her husband glances at her, du’aa pours for her from the bottom of his heart. She is characterised with shyness and modesty, glancing with love in her eyes, only for her husband. 4) The Good Do-er:The women who has an excellent reputation in society – for being kind, caring & courteous. She is good with her neighbours & relatives & never backbites or displays jealousy. 5) The Content:
The women who never casts her eyes at material things and is content with whatever little her husband gives her. She is thankful to him for every morsel that he feeds her, every clothe that he gifts her, including the roof over her head. She makes her gratefulness known to him in words & action and thus, soothes her husband’s heart. As the Prophet (saw) said, she looks at those less fortunate than her in the material world and is thankful to her Lord and her Husband for that. 6) The Pious:
The women who spends much of her day in dhikr, reading the Quran & Salaah and her nights in praying tahajjud & crying to Allah for forgiveness. She encourages her husband to give daw’ah in his spare time. As the Prophet (saw) said, she looks at those more pious than her in the religious sense and strives to progress further in piety and knowledge. 7) The Sweet Smiler:The woman who smiles excessively, especially when her husband is at home. She always talks gently, choosing the sweetest of words, that it seems that pearls are dripping from her mouth. She never raises her voice while talking to her husband.
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