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Post by Ummati on Nov 18, 2011 20:54:30 GMT 5
“Marry the person you know can uplift you morally and who will always remind you that Allah is sufficient for you in times of trials.”  -source: sahabiya
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Post by Mujaahid on Nov 22, 2011 20:20:56 GMT 5
Question: I am a 24 years old girl. I fell in love, no dates, no meetings involved, pure love to a pure religious person. He promised to marry me and asked me to wait for him as his circumstances are difficult. I do not remember that he called me more than once. I asked him not to call me; because I feel this is wrong, although I love him. I felt that our love started going in the direction, he agreed to this feeling, and respected my opinion. He just sends me E-mails every so often via internet, so that I know his news. We have been in this love relationship for one year. I know this person and his family, and they know us well as well. I love him for Allah’s sake and sure he loves me as well. The problem is that I started receiving proposals, about 8 so far. Every time I refuse because I promised to wait for him. Now I am confused, is what I am doing halal or haram? I pray, Alhamdulillah, all obligatory and optional prayers, and pray qiyaam in the night as well; I fear I lose my good deeds because of what I am doing. Is a pure chaste love haram? Is my love to him halal or haram?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah.First of all I ask Allaah to guide you and grant you happiness, and I ask Him to increase the numbers of girls like you who are keen to maintain chastity and purity and adhere to the sacred limits of Allaah in their affairs, among the most important of which are emotional relationships that many people take lightly, so they overstep the mark and transgress the sacred limits of Allaah, and Allaah tests them with problems that we read about and hear of, in which there is a lesson for every Muslim and for every wise person. You should note that correspondence and contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said: “I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. Hence you did well to cut off contact with this young man, and we hope that you will stop corresponding too, because correspondence is one of the greatest doors to corruption that have been opened for people nowadays. This has been discussed in a number of questions. This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If love develops for a reason that is not haraam, a person cannot be blamed for that, such as one who loves his wife or his slave woman, then he leaves her but that love remains and does not leave him. He is not to be blamed for that. The same applies if he glances accidentally then looks away, but love may settle in his heart without him wanting it to. But he has to ward it off and look away. End quote.Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (p. 147). Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah (temptation). End quote.Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh (26/question no. 13) Our advice to you is that it is essential to stop corresponding with this young man, and tell him that he has to propose to you through your wali, if he really does want to get married. He should not regard his material circumstances or anything else as a barrier. The matter is simple, in sha Allaah, and if a person is content with little, Allaah will make him independent of means by His grace and bounty. He should at least contact your wali and do the shar’i marriage contract, and if the consummation is delayed there is nothing wrong with that. But if it remains as a promise to get married, ande correspondence continues between you on that basis, this – according to the rulings of sharee’ah and the experience of real life – is a wrong path that opens the door to sin and corruption. You can be certain that you will never find happiness except by obeying Allaah and adhering to the limits set by his sharee’ah. The permissible ways are sufficient and there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that. Your delay in getting married is very harmful for you. You are getting older and this young man’s circumstances are not improving; you are not marrying him and you are not marrying anyone else. Beware of delaying, for that will only cause harm. You should realize that one of these men who have proposed marriage may be more religiously committed and righteous than that young man, and there may be far greater love with him than there is between you and that young man. And Allaah knows best.
Taken from Islamqa
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Post by Ummati on May 15, 2012 18:15:16 GMT 5
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Post by Ummati on Aug 30, 2012 22:41:53 GMT 5
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Post by Ummati on Aug 30, 2012 22:42:18 GMT 5
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Post by Ummati on Nov 4, 2012 19:23:44 GMT 5
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Post by Tuaha on Jan 11, 2013 17:57:28 GMT 5
 Marriage is much more than finding the right person, it’s a matter of being the right person. |
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Post by Ummati on Feb 23, 2013 18:47:47 GMT 5
The Importance of Marrying a Righteous Spouse
By Umm ‘Abdillaah al-Waadi’yyah
Imaam al-Bukhaaree, may Allaah bestow mercy on him, stated (9/132): It has been relayed to us by Musaddid that Yahyaa relayed to us, on ‘Ubaydallaah that he said: Sa’eed bin Abee Sa’eed relayed to me, on his father, on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, (radhiAllahu ‘anhu), on the Prophet, (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) that he said:
“A woman is married for four (reasons): For her wealth, for her lineage, and for her beauty, so choose the one who possesses the Deen (religion) and you will be successful.”
[And related by Muslim (2/1086)]
The meaning of the Hadeeth: The people choose wives for various reasons, and they are of four types:
From them are those who strive for the rich and wealthy.
From them are those who strive for good lineage and it is nobility.
From them are those who strive for beauty.
And from them are those who strive for the religious (woman).
Choosing a wife for wealth is not appropriate if she does not adorn herself with Taqwaa (fear of Allaah). In this case, she will desire to have unrestricted freedom and for her husband to be subservient to her puffing herself up over him. This is understood from her actions even if she does not say it.
Likewise is the one who has nobility if her spouse does not have her level of nobility. She will be haughty towards him if she does not adorn herself with Taqwaa (fear of Allaah).
Likewise is the one who has beauty. She will be haughty towards her spouse if she is not adorned with Taqwaa (fear of Allaah), and the one who the Prophet, (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) encouraged to marry is the one possessing the religion.
This does not mean that the man turns away from a woman possessing wealth, beauty, or nobility. This means that he should not make that his focus and he should choose the one possessing the religion. As for merging that with the Deen (religion), then this is good. The woman possessing the religion has Taqwaa (fear of Allaah). She is heedful of what Allaah has obligated upon her, and she abstains from His prohibitions. As He, The Exalted, has stated,
“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard.”
(Surah Nisaa, 4:34)
She keeps herself chaste, guards her husband’s wealth, she does not exit (the home) without his permission, and she is fully aware of her rights, so she does not exceed them. Being fully aware, even if she possesses the religion, it is inevitable that she will not be perfect and complete. She is deficient in her intellect and Deen (religion). This is not related to correcting her since this is not appropriate to be overlooked.
Likewise for the woman:
It is upon us to choose a righteous husband. How many women were righteous, but they did not choose a righteous mate and married a failure who pulled her to his ideology and his way? It is also possible that the man is affected by the ideology of his wife as occurred with ‘Imraan ibn Hattaan. He married his cousin to pull her away from the ideology of the Khawaarij and she pulled him to her ideology. So this is more likely to occur to the woman since she is quick and abrupt in changing to another state.
So we ask Allaah for stability and persistence. A companion will have an effect on his companion. Due to this, there is an encouragement of choosing a righteous companion.
In the Saheehayn (i.e. Bukhaaree and Muslim) from the Hadeeth of Aboo Moosaa, (radhiAllaahu ‘anhu) that he said: The Messenger of Allaah, (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,
“The example of the righteous companion and the evil companion is like the person that sells musk and the blacksmith. The person that sells musk will either give you some or you may buy some from im. The blacksmith will either burn your clothes or you will find a repugnant odor from him”.
In addition, the Prophet, (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has said,
“A man is on the Deen (religion) of his friend, so beware as to whom you take as a friend.”
And the poet said,“Do not ask about the person but ask about his companionship, For every person exemplifies his companion.”
Moreover, Allaah has stated about the people of Paradise:
“Then they will turn to one another, mutually questioning. A speaker of them will say, ‘Verily, I had a companion (in the world), who used to say, ‘Are you among those who believe. That when we die and become dust and bones, shall we indeed (be raised up) to receive reward or punishment (according to our deeds)?” (The speaker) said, “Will you look down?” So he looked down and saw him in the midst of the Fire.”
(Surah Saffaat, 37:50 – 55])
And He, The Exalted, said:
“And We have assigned for them (devils) intimate companions (in thisworld), who have made fair-seeming to them, what was before them andwhat was behind them. And the word (i.e. the torment) is justified against them as it was justified against those who were among the previous generations of jinn and men that had passed away before them. Indeed they (all) were losers.”
(Surah Fussilat, 41:25)
The woman possessing the religion strives for a husband possessing the religion and visa versa as the Prophet, (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has said,
“The souls are recruited soldiers, so whoever amongst them bonded and became mutually acquainted then they were in agreement, and whoever amongst them rejected and disavowed each other then they differed.”
And in the parable, “And everyone strives for someone similar to him.”
And in another parable, “The birds gather with those similar to them, so everyone strives for someone similar to him.”
Another hadeeth encouraging marrying a righteous wife: Imaam Muslim has stated (2/1090): Muhammad bin ‘Abdullaah bin Numair al-Hamdaanee relayed to me, that ‘Abdullah bin Yazeed relayed to us, that Haywah relayed to us that Sharhabeel bin Shareek informed me that he heard Aboo ‘Abdur Rahmaan al-Hablee relaying on the Messenger of Allaah, (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) that he said,
“The Dunyaa (the life of this world) is a commodity and the best of its commodities is a righteous wife”.
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